Corralling 4...on my own

So James still travels for work. Thankfully it is only one week a month right now. That compared to three weeks a month truly feels like a blessing to me. But it still means doing things on my own. And in December it means doing more things on my own now with a newborn too. 

Growing up we had a few traditions but not many. And I have made this little commitment to myself that I want to try to give my kids traditions and as magical of a month I can in December. So we have started a few. One thing that keeps us on track/extra committed is our advent calendar. In each day there is a felt ornament that goes on the top but also a little card that says a Christmas thing we will do that day. Sometimes I wish I hadn't started this because it can also be overwhelming. But I like that it gets us going. 

A few things that are tradition, I would much rather not do alone but this year if they are going to happen they are happening without the hubs. He was working late hours last week which meant doing the "Christmas in the Park" lights at Longview Lake on our own. And tonight we went to the live outside Nativity without him. So I'm learning to corral all four. Which isn't always pretty. Thankfully Eli did not get ran over when he ran ahead to the car. Yes our coats are probably covered in icing from the donuts after. But we managed to walk around with 2 cups of hot chocolate without spilling. However I drank some to check the temp not thinking about how I'm currently not having chocolate to see if it helps Elayne (whole other story). 

We still have to manage to go see Santa on our own which I'm not looking forward to. But moments like tonight when Ben turns to me while watching the Nativity and says "Mom I know this story!"  Those moments bring me to tears and make doing it worth it in every way. 

Cool kids

I know I fall victim to the nasty comparison bug and as much as I try to resist the voice that I know is untrue, it's still pops up from time to time. 

Yesterday I went to a birthday lunch for a friend. A person who seriously just attracts people to her because she is so loving and thoughtful. Really truly the kind of person I am inspired by and want to be more like. So naturally the other woman attending are...amazing. 

This is where the little voice comes in. Their hair and makeup are great. They are all super fashionable. They basically have it all together. Then I start feeling out of place. Like I've come to a party with all the cool kids and well I'm just not that cool. 

Then I mentally try to smash that little voice. Seriously why do I think things like this?  I'm hoping some of it is just induced my emotional sleep deprivation. But I also think it goes back to not taking time for me. I haven't spent a lot of time developing my talents lately and so I don't feel very talented. And sometimes I have to recognize that I'm talented in areas that maybe aren't as "cool". I may not be super fashionable but I'm a very good accountant. :). Yeah accounting doesn't really add up on the cool scale but it is a worthwhile talent. 

Take time for me?

So I've actually thought about this a lot lately. Even before the baby came. But then I also read a great blog about being more hospitable to yourself. Taking time to replenish yourself so you have more to give to others. 

I'm still not sure I have a great answer for how or what I should do for this. I haven't crafted for a long time. And I know my creative soul longs for that. I feel a pull to have more scripture study and more meaningful spiritual connections. I desire to be a better and more connected friend. And in a few weeks I will be able to get back on the exercise bandwagon. I also have to balance my exhaustion that always comes with having a newborn. Any free time usually goes to taking a nap which is needed for my body but doesn't fulfill my soul's needs. 

But how to find time. Or rather take time. Because time truly is a limited resource. And I do feel that I have to take time from other places and give it back to myself.

So I don't have a good solution but I know I have a problem. 😀. Hopefully I can work out a good solution too.

 And just for cuteness. Look how chubby her little face is getting. Finally filling out those perfect cheeks. 

I miss my snoring bed

This has probably been one of the harder weeks having James gone. Last night I missed coming back to bed to find him snoring. I missed my bed being warm. 

My life with 4 isn't quite what I imagined. One aspect is that James was originally supposed to be done traveling before the baby came. The traveling has cut back but will continue through the new year I have no doubt. It isn't that life with 4 is awful. In fact I think it has been an easier transition than 3 was so far.  

I have lots of help and people have brought meals but it doesn't quite match up to actually having your spouse home. So thankful there is only 1 travel week this month. And thankful we get a few extra days with him home from the office next week. I kinda want to skip Thanksgiving and just stay home as a family all weekend. Is that bad?  

Life changes

We are in the process of finding a new norm. I sort of feel like we've been in this process for a while. Like since I got pregnant. First finding a routine for while I was sick. Then James' dad moving in with us. Then James changed jobs which also meant he started traveling for work. Than getting big and pregnant with no energy. Also having the basement finished so workers at our house and stuff taking over the garage. Then having the baby ....

And this is our first week with James traveling and new baby on our own. So lately it seems once we find our groove something changes. 

I'm also trying to carve "me" out again I feel like. Life has been kinda busy/all consuming. And I haven't made time for any outlets for myself. So in the new norm this time I'm trying to find something for me. Since I haven't blogged consistently for a long time, I'm pretty sure no one reads this. So I'm hoping to start one outlet here. Writing helps work through and get things out, right?  

So in all my nursing, holding baby, burping baby time.. Some of it will be writing here.  Using my phone. 

Ramblings of life

I don’t think anyone really reads my blog anymore, and that is actually okay with me.  I’m pretty sporadic about posting and I don’t know that my life is all that interesting.  But I still want to keep some journaling so this is more for me than others. 

Life doesn’t slow down.  I think I’ve finally learned and accepted this fact.  I pretty much always think we are crazy busy no matter how hard I try for us not to be.  And I used to think…..once we are done with________ than life will slow down.   Now I’ve learned that the blank just gets filled in with something else.  :)

So life right now consists of a lot of doing it on my own.  James travels M-F now; meaning leaving Monday morning like 4am and getting back Friday night usually 6-7pm.  It isn’t a permanent thing- I think I would actually lose my mind if that were the case.  But he’s been doing it for about 3 months and probably has one more month to go.  Some weeks are good and some weeks I’m kinda a wreck.  Last week was an emotional wreck week- being 7 months pregnant with your 4th kid doesn’t help.  This week is a little better so far.  But it means learning to just get things done.  Not much use waiting for James to do it as well Saturdays fill up fast when that is the only real day you are home.  It also means lots of doing bedtime alone- not my fav.  But it means a weekly date night every week since that is now high priority.  It means a better job that James loves and a much happier husband.  So for now I will suck it up and take it!  (And maybe eat a lot more chocolate)

Consecration

Sunday thoughts:

To do with sacred dedication. What in my daily life do I do with sacred dedication?

Also look up;

Elder Maxwell talk called "Settle This in your hearts"

Travel adventures

I'm on my way...sort of. I booked my tickets to have really short layovers. It is a long trip to Argentina and I don't travel well so I wanted to minimize as much as possible. Yeah apparently that is a bad idea. My first flight got delayed. Delayed by so much I missed my connection. 

I was just going to go home and fly out tomorrow but James insisted I take the option to stay in a hotel in Houston for a night. I'm not spontaneous. I don't like the unknown. The idea of figuring out another airport and how to get to a hotel and back to the airport, etc kinda gives me anxiety. But I'm supposed to go and enjoy a quiet night to myself. Maybe see a movie tomorrow. Hang out and rest. Relax...  So I'm going to try not to let it all freak me out. I'm going to be adventurous and enjoy my night without kids. 

Well that is once I actually get there. Currently just sitting at the airport in KC. But the plane has come and I will board soon.....

When my kids take pictures

I love when I find my surprise pictures from my kids. Often I know they are taking photos but sometimes I don't. I'm always intrigued and humored by the photos they take. So here is a little joy and everyday life from Ben.
























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Get back in your bed

I'm currently sitting outside Eli's room. I just finished folding a load of laundry on the floor. And I'm sitting here repeatedly saying nope get back in your bed. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh the wonderful world of twos. For quite a few weeks bedtime has been a battle. Battle of wills. Eli has won a few nights but hopefully the war will ultimately go to me. I've tried locking him in his room. We currently have the light bulbs unscrewed so he can't play with the lights all night. And yet there is still plenty of wailing and gnashing of teeth. Tonight's strategy.... Trying for quiet. I'm letting his door be open but not letting him come out. Hoping if we can conquer the getting out of bed then nighttime will go more smoothly. Time will tell. As a parent you learn, even if the plan makes perfect sense it may not work. I don't have the time to sit outside his room every night for hours. Nor will my butt bone handle the floor that long. But tonight we will try it. And try to remember that I should cherish his littleness because this won't last forever.


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Do you smell cheese?

I was trying to get the house back in order before heading out to a baby shower.  I was upstairs doing laundry and had just started a load.  I went into the hall and smelled a weird sort of cheese smell.  I went into my room and the smell went away.  I thought that was odd.  But in my busy state I was trying hard to finish getting laundry done. 

About 10 minutes later, Ben comes up.  “Umm mommy….Eli is downstairs spraying parmesan cheese everywhere.”

Yes, the weird cheese smell was parmesan cheese.  Which now covered pretty much my entire wood floor.  From the front door, across the wood path, throughout the kitchen and dining room.  And let me tell you that stuff is hard to sweep up.  Just moist enough it sticks the broom, but fine enough that it is hard to get it all. 

Boys!

Thank you Walter

Tonight I am thankful for the movie Secret Life of Walter Mitty. If you haven't seen it you should. It is beautiful and sweet and leaves your heart feeling warm.

It reconnected me with my dad in the best of ways tonight. One of my biggest lessons of my dad being so sick was to cherish time with those we love. To really live life to its fullest. I knew my time was numbered with him and numbered much shorter than I would have ever wished. Anytime he called I seriously dropped everything to be with him. We did breakfast a minimum of once a week. I took him to appointments. It was some of my most cherish times, because I could really recognize how special it was. I would watch him with my babies and try so hard to mentally burn the images into my memory. It was my ghost cat pictures if you will.

Watching the movie just made remember those days with him and how wonderful and exciting it was to really be in the moment. Often my life is so full and I feel like I'm running every day all day long. And truly with my two boys I kinda am. But I hope I can refocus a bit. That I can recognize those moments again. Those glimpses of the purpose of life.


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