I think most people are used to me being in a good happy mood, so when I have an off day they don't really know how to take it. Yesterday was just one of those days. Saturday, I was out late with Sariah at a friend's house. She and I both stayed up till about midnight. And James was out even later until 3. Yes, I know we are party animals! :) Anyways. I knew when I went to bed it was going to be really hard to get up to my alarm the next morning for church.
And apparently it was even harder then I thought. When it went off, I thought I hit snooze and instead I somehow turned it off completely. So I woke up at 9 am. And yes, church starts at 9 am. I really felt like I needed to be there, so I went ahead and got up and resisted the urge to just roll over and stay in bed. I got dressed and figured I would let James stay home. I was going to take Sariah, but she was still totally passed out and didn't even wake up when I went in her room. (She is the lightest sleeper and will normally wake up if you open the door.) So I left her at home with James. Figuring that worked better and then I didn't have to be even more late with having to dress and feed her.
So off to church I went. Arriving super late, but oh well. While there I was just having one of those deep in thought/non social days. I wasn't smiley and talking to everyone. I just felt like sitting and listening. Hoping that things would touch me and that there really was a reason that I went. Poor Shauna, she kept offering to goose me because I seemed down. Gotta love good friends!
There were several things that really impacted me. I was so glad that I went. I have had a lot on my plate lately. Well enough to need another plate or two. And I have felt every day was an almost day. I almost got caught up at work. I almost got the kitchen clean. I almost got this or that done. It has been quite discouraging.
I think that I'm starting to get back. Starting to have a better outlook again. Starting to feel motivated and impowered again. Starting to recognize that my will lately hasn't been inline with God's. Not that the things that I want are bad or anything, but just not what He would have for me right now. That making myself busy won't make things that I don't want to face go away. That I don't have control over everything, that my Heavenly Father does and that is probably a good thing.
I don't feel ready for some of the changes that I know are quickly to come into my life. I don't think I'm strong enough to handle them with the grace that I would like to. But I know they are coming. I know that somehow God knows I can handle it. And I'm trying to trust that He is right.