Monday, February 2, 2009

An off day

I think most people are used to me being in a good happy mood, so when I have an off day they don't really know how to take it. Yesterday was just one of those days. Saturday, I was out late with Sariah at a friend's house. She and I both stayed up till about midnight. And James was out even later until 3. Yes, I know we are party animals! :) Anyways. I knew when I went to bed it was going to be really hard to get up to my alarm the next morning for church.

And apparently it was even harder then I thought. When it went off, I thought I hit snooze and instead I somehow turned it off completely. So I woke up at 9 am. And yes, church starts at 9 am. I really felt like I needed to be there, so I went ahead and got up and resisted the urge to just roll over and stay in bed. I got dressed and figured I would let James stay home. I was going to take Sariah, but she was still totally passed out and didn't even wake up when I went in her room. (She is the lightest sleeper and will normally wake up if you open the door.) So I left her at home with James. Figuring that worked better and then I didn't have to be even more late with having to dress and feed her.

So off to church I went. Arriving super late, but oh well. While there I was just having one of those deep in thought/non social days. I wasn't smiley and talking to everyone. I just felt like sitting and listening. Hoping that things would touch me and that there really was a reason that I went. Poor Shauna, she kept offering to goose me because I seemed down. Gotta love good friends!

There were several things that really impacted me. I was so glad that I went. I have had a lot on my plate lately. Well enough to need another plate or two. And I have felt every day was an almost day. I almost got caught up at work. I almost got the kitchen clean. I almost got this or that done. It has been quite discouraging.

I think that I'm starting to get back. Starting to have a better outlook again. Starting to feel motivated and impowered again. Starting to recognize that my will lately hasn't been inline with God's. Not that the things that I want are bad or anything, but just not what He would have for me right now. That making myself busy won't make things that I don't want to face go away. That I don't have control over everything, that my Heavenly Father does and that is probably a good thing.

I don't feel ready for some of the changes that I know are quickly to come into my life. I don't think I'm strong enough to handle them with the grace that I would like to. But I know they are coming. I know that somehow God knows I can handle it. And I'm trying to trust that He is right.


KC Mom said...

There must be a full moon or something because I've especially felt that way over the last couple of days. There will be times like that...they come and go. The uplift at church is crucial.

Amber said...

I feel a little out of touch with my inner peace because I didn't get my sunday lessons, due to Zach being sick. Aren't you glad you went!!
By the way, I really admire all of your artistic talents!

Shauna said...

I know your heart is heavy and your plate is full, but know that your not alone, I love you and beware I have sharp nails.

kristin elaine said...

I have an extra couple of plates lying around if you need them.

"I know God only gives us what we can handle, but I wish he didn't trust me so much." -Mother Teresa

I think that quote sums it up nicely.

Anonymous said...

I'm totally insync with you Sam. I've really been feeling a lot of those same feelings. I know that I need to put more trust in God as well. It's funny because if I ever have an "off-day", where I'm not super peppy, people at work are always like "oh my gosh- what's wrong?" It's like they forget I'm human and I have other emotions than just happy. I'm glad you got a little inspiration from your meetings on Sunday and know that you definately are not alone!

Anonymous said...

So, do you ever go back and look if people commented on older posts, cause I just commented on the 2 previous ones since I'm only just now seeing them, then I realized you might not notice...

Tina said...

'Just read this and wanted to give you a hug...but you're too far away. A cyber hug will have to do: (((Sam))) See, you are being hugged. And this is me cheering for you: *v* Get it? The asterisks are pom poms. Yes. Your sister-in-law is very silly! But I bet you are smiling (if not rolling your eyes). ;)

Rob the Blog Ninja said...

I have been absent from this blog too long! I'm missing out. Sorry for keeping your husband up so late the other night.

Hopefully James will learn to juggle plates too so he can help you out a bit more ;)

Maybe you should run 5 miles to see if that helps ;)