Sunday, May 18, 2008
Spreading myself too thin?
Okay, so due to Sariah needing a diaper change and then 5 minutes after I walked back into Relief Society she decided she was starving.. I only caught about 10 minutes of the lesson. But what I did catch made me think. For a while, I've been trying to find my niche. I feel like I'm just "okay" at most things. I've tried several hobbies, and enjoy many of them, but it always feels like someone else is better than me. Then I feel that I'm not really that good at it. I know that I'm often too critical of myself. But I want some thing that I'm the best at. Is that selfish? I'm not really sure. I'm wondering if maybe I'm doing too many hobbies. Maybe I should cut back and try to hone my skills. Or maybe I need to stop comparing myself. That is one of my biggest weaknesses. I compare and when I compare I usually feel inadequate. Secretly, I want to be good at something and always look nice with my makeup done and be the one that people look forward to seeing at events and the popular one. Also secretly, I always find myself beating myself up because I feel I fall short of this. I'm trying to accept myself more and just realize that I'm just not one of the girls that always has her hair and make up done. But neither am I a girl who never wears makeup and doesn't care about my hair. I'm just a middle of the road person. I should accept this more and just let it be. Sorry that this is a rambling, depressing post... just needed to think outloud a bit.
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4 comments:
Oh Sam, I love you! Welcome to motherhood. No I'm kidding. I know how you feel... maybe someday I'll be that mom with the perfect hair, makeup, and clean house. But probobly not; I'm just me and you are just you, and we are fine the way we are. I think you always look put together, coordinated clothes and matching jewelry. It's hard not to fall into the comparing ourselves trap, but we don't need to! Though I am as guilty as you--I've done little of anything the last year except dance, because that is what I am good at. But I want to sing, to play the piano, to scrapbook, to do so many things. But I don't rock out at these.
It's okay to just be who we are; there will always be somebody better. We are special because we are us. :)
Hugs!
Jade
There are those who "Get ready" for the day by putting on makeup and fixing their hair. Then there are people like us who wake up and are "IN THE DAY". There is no fixing up or lots of makeup, we go and do. We are getter doners, We will be known for our works and not for our perfect shade of pink on our lips. Our appearance may not be "memorable", but our countenance will be.
(Or at least that's what I keep telling myself)
You hit my thoughts for many years right on the nail. I've always thought I was the jack of all trades...dabbled in a little of everything but wasn't the best at anything and really wanted to be. This last year those overwhelming feelings have really toned down. I think I'm just an old lady now. I decided, it would never matter, there will always be someone "better" then me in my mind.
Wow. You summed up some of my inner feelings very nicely. It did make me think, "If Sam feels that way, I'm in trouble." I always thought you looked nice, and feel you are very talented in many areas. But I know so well that struggle to be the best at least at one thing. I found I wasn't even close to that in anything I did.
Intrestingly to me, one of the things that helped the most was having kids. As Claire has gotten older and has entered into our competitive world I have found myself teaching her about sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. Sometimes we're chosen, sometimes we're not. Sometimes people tell us we're pretty, sometimes they tell others that they're pretty. Sometimes we run fast, sometimes everyone else runs faster. I don't want her growing up feeling inadequate about the talents that she has--even if she's not the best.
Then I had one of those "DUH" moments, where I knew my Father in Heaven wouldn't want me feeling down about his gifts he's given me. Even if I'm not the best. Or even in the top 10% (:
So teaching Claire to be pleased with who she is, and what she is capable of doing, irregardless of her surrounding peers, has truly helped me realize it was time to let some of those inadequate feelings go. It's still hard, but has gotten easier.
And seriously, I really do think you're an amazingly talented person. I found myself wishing to be like you when we were in KC.
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