critical of myself and not others.
I found out with Sariah that I just don't love breastfeeding. I know
it is supposed to be this magical loving bonding time with your
baby... But I just don't get that for myself. With Sariah she was
such a good nurser and also REFUSED a bottle. So I was a good little
mommy and nursed her for a whole year.
With Ben it has been a whole different story. First off I could
already feel myself dreading and resenting breastfeeding before he was
born. I just don't like it. I have no amazingly horrible problems but
I don't like always being on demand, having to strip off half my
clothes, the pain, the fact that no one else can do it yadda yadda. I
know I'm lame.
So I've come to the conclusion that he just isn't a good nurser. He
has had congestion problems since birth and I think that is a big part
of it. He simply will not stay latched on. He goes on and off like 10
times in a feeding. And it isn't that he doesn't have a good latch. It
is like he can't breath. He gulps gulps gulps and then yanks off takes
a deep breath and then wants more.
So I was just pushing through but started to really have a lot of pain
and cracking etc from it. Plus he is so irregular that my body never
knew when to produce milk and was often making too little It was just
making me unhappy and even more upset with breastfeeding. But yet I
feel like a failure for not doing it. Like maybe I'm just wimpig out.
Like the pain isn't that bad but I just don't like doing it so I won't
buck up.
But I came to a decision a few days ago. I decided to try pumping and
using a bottle with a little formula sometimes mixed in to supplement.
Because like I said I'm not producing enough to really satify him. So
it has been a few days in now. And today I realized I'm really so much
happier. I can pump on a schedule. I am producing almost as much as
he drinks so I don't seem to need to supplement that much. I'm having
WAY less pain.
So yeah I may be a wimp. But my mom told me today that it is important
for me and Ben that I'm happy. So I only made it 3 months with him.
But he is still getting breastmilk and I am now having those magical
loving bonding moments with him.....and a bottle :).
Sent from Sam's iPhone
