~~~~Disclaimer~~~~ I do not intend to offend someone from this. But I do realize that I might. I have chosen to write it anyways for my personal benefit. I do believe that we each choose to be offended by someone. So if you choose to take this offensively- I'm sorry.
So my visiting teacher came over today. And we had a fun venting session. Sometime that is just what you need. To get it all out there and be upset and have someone listen. It was great. I got to know her a lot better and realized that I'm not alone with some of my frustrations. I had a discussion with her and also one yesterday with a friend that have caused me to reflect. The ward split has been hard. It was sad for me to know that most of my close friends were staying in New Mark while I was booted out. Then it was hard to get to know who people were in the new ward. Now I'm in Relief Society and trying to plan events, and struggling to know how to get people to come. Our ward is very friendly on Sunday. You've heard of Sunday Christians. Well sometimes I feel like we are Sunday Friends. Yes, we are cordial and ask how you are doing, and seem interested when we pass in the hall on Sunday, but during the week there isn't anything there. No one calls to hang out or invite you to things. And I'm not saying I'm all the victim here. I know that I'm also to blame because I don't always call either. But I want to be more than Sunday friends. I want to be the kind of person that people think of and want to call to invite. How do I reach that inner circle? I had some of these feelings before in the other ward. I would hear about people hanging out or getting together and wonder, why don't they call me? How can I get in on that?
I am not blessed with my husband's talents, but sometimes I wish I was. He has an amazing ability to self invite. He can get "invited" to dinner by dropping someone off at someone else's house. It is a gift. I think part of the gift is that he always assumes he is wanted. I struggle with knowing this. I think my self doubt creeps in and says they are just inviting you to be nice, are you sure they really want you to come?
I had this struggle in both wards, but a little more so in this one. There are a lot of people in my ward that live right next to each other. And it is like they have their own little world. Part of me is jealous of it. They have the convenience of people right by to socialize with, trade babysitting with, do things with. But if you aren't in that little world, it is hard to do those same things with them.
So what do I do? I can't just sit and whine because I know that as much as I want to just do that, it won't change a thing. So I think I need to set some new self goals. To go more out of my way to make friends. During the week friends! People that I feel comfortable calling to grab lunch with or just hang out with for the afternoon. And then pushing myself to do it. To pick up the phone and just call. I've decided to try to have a once a month Project Party at my house. So that I can get together with people and scrapbook, or make jewerly, or bows, or whatever project I feel I want to work on that month. And I think I'm going to throw a Halloween Party. James gave me the go ahead so I think that I will.
There I have a resolve- Wish me luck!
4 comments:
I'm right there with you and our new ward. I feel like we are still split and it is hard for us to get to know the others because they all live together and hang out together. I'm getting a little better at picking up the phone myself, but I still need to be better... I want to come to the halloween party by the way!!
I know what you mean - I am having the hardest time. We went to a Labor Day picnic and our family was the only one who did not live in the townhomes with all the rest. I really, really tried, but I felt like a third wheel.
I have come to realize that most of it is due to the fact that we are in completely different places in our lives. They are all wives of college students. When they were talking about school and things going on, I felt no connection. We have been there and done that. We have moved on to the next phase and it is so hard to go back and relate.
So, I am trying really, really hard to find something else I have in common with them. I keep telling myself that going to church is not about friends - otherwise, I am not sure I could get myself out of bed on Sunday to go.
So, keep trying and I will keep trying as well.
It is a hard thing to feel on the outside of social networks. I think you have the right attitude about being the first to call. No doubt others feel the same.
I remember before we ever had kids we sort of felt out of it in our family ward. I felt like every one had kids and when the moms got together all they did was talk about kids kids kids.
I wondered why they couldn't seem to talk about anything else. I'm sure I wasn't always the first choice for people to call and hang out with but I decided if I wanted outside-of-church friends I would have to invite them. So we did. I offered to baby sit a lot. (Boy does that win instant friends. (: ) And soon I think they realized I was a fun person who enjoyed hanging out even if we didn't have kids.
Later, after we had children, I tried to mentally be aware if there were others in the group who were not at the same stage of life as us and try to talk about a variety of things. I wasn't always successful, but I did try.
I try to apply that same principle in everything now. I have made some great friends at church whose kids are grown, or who are just starting families, or whose economic/social status is way different, etc. I love all of them and I am so glad they seem to have the same attitude about friendships.
I think as members we would all benefit from realizing that some of our strongest bonds may not be with those who seem just like us, who live right by us, etc. We should want to embrace all in the ward, make them feel welcome. (I mean who doesn't want friends?!) It is easy to fall into groups based on certain things, but what a wonderful world we discover when we get outside those convienent/comfort zones and get to know others.
I'm so glad you took the time to become my friend. I do think you reach out a lot. I always loved being invited to your activities, etc.
I hope it gets easier.
Girl...I am so with you. I feel homesick for our other ward. They are all so nice, but in a different world, they have no need to reach out to us because all they have to do is walk outside. I think they should make the town homes its own little ward. Its hard to do life with people whom are going to move in 4 years anyway and we will be right back in the same boat. Oh, man now I am rambling and probably being offensive. Love you.
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